Are we ever really "Cancer-Free"

Getting fed up by my mood swings. Why don't I talk about it anymore they ask, because I'm really fed up with the topic of caner I say. It feels like everyone has cancer or has had cancer or knows someone who has. Friends dying and friends relatives too. I really try not be negative about it and I don't want to be a bore, but it's very hard trying to stay positive. So I'm up and down like a yo-yo!

There are survivors out there who really do walk on sunshine for the rest of their days, run marathons and savour each day. I really do try to walk on sunshine most days. But there are days I feel that I have somehow failed for not being all inspirational.

I don’t know if I have cancer cells hiding, waiting to mass again. But I'm a healthy vegetarian and I manage short walks to keep active, within my current pain levels.  All I know is that I am holding steady in a state called "No Evidence of Disease".

I have been told that everything looks great on all my blood work, and my tumour marker is low. But I immediately began to punish myself for everything I’ve done wrong as a survivor, including not eating a clean, sugar-free diet, not doing triathlons, and not being super positive at all times. Even though I know all of that is no guarantee that my cancer won’t come back.

I've had a few scans and “No evidence of disease,” my Oncologist said!  I live a pretty great life, and should be on top of the world!

Death stalks us all, that’s the nature. Maybe survivors are just a bit more aware of it. I cope with short walks. I cope with making fun out of my Franken-tits!  I cope by actively redirecting my thoughts, or so I think, or am I just in plain denial. If I don’t cope and just feel sorry for myself, I just go under and hit the depths of depression and anxiety I'm trying to avoid.

Still, it’s good to complain about being a survivor. I can complain and I will complain! And then, having done so, I will shrug and say, but seriously, it could be worse.

Positive thinking got me through Cancer and I aim to make it get me through life.

  

 

 

Pain clinic

I went to the pain clinic on Thursday, he can't give me anything else but medication. The steroids only gave me one pain free day so not worth it, as they're risky too being so close to lungs. So he changed my medication to codeine and prescribed me laxidol as they make me constipated. This change had knocked me sideways, I can hardly walk I'm in so much pain. Didn't realise how much my current medication was helping. But it's not enough to live a normal active life, so got to give this a try. Will get my new medication tomorrow so I had to use morphine today, doctors orders, it has made me so sleepy, but has helped a bit, shame I can't stay on this, but there's no way I could drive on this.

It should have been my surgery tomorrow and I'm fed up yet again, another two weeks to wait.

I went in my friends hot tub last week and it was so nice, I was so refreshed and relaxed for 2 days.  I really need one, it will help me so much with the fibromyalgia too.  Will have to save up for a second hand one.

Think I need to move to a hot country, but then don't most of us!  Come on summer.
Have a good week everyone. TTFN. Xx

Surgery postponed

Sadly my surgery for 14th June had been postponed to the 28th June, because I'm on antibiotics. I was  on antibiotics for both my last surgeries, so don't understand the problem. But this anaesthetist won't do it unless I'm two weeks clear of antibiotics, but it is what it is...grrr. So annoyed as everything was sorted, it's not just me, it's making arrangements with my partner and my family to be with me as I can't drive for two weeks after, and I really need to be waited on hand and foot hehe!  Oh well only another 3 weeks to wait, could have been worse. But every delay obviously delays something else. So my next surgery will be later too. Just hope I'm up to my plastic surgeon appointment on 1st July! 

I had washed my dressing gown and everything ready for hospital, bag packed and clean bedding ready for when I get out. Got to change all my appointments too, like hair cut and nails. Oh well I'm still going to dye my hair blue that week. I'd just got myself in the right place ready for surgery and now it's a longer wait.  It's all wait wait wait this cancer malarkey and I'm fed up to the back teeth with it. Last year I was saying roll on 2016 and now I'm there again saying roll on 2017!

I really need a holiday this year but when, too scared to book anything with everything still going on. But no matter what I am going to India in February 2017. Fed up fed up fed up. Arghhhhhh! 

Oh well nowt I can do. TTFN. Xx

Pre-op Assessment Gynaecology

Today I went for my pre-op assessment, had blood tests, swabs, lots of form filling and questions. We were there for hours, the worst thing is waiting around, especially in the hard chairs they have in hospitals. You think they'd have nice comfy chairs for ill people! Not that I'm ill anymore, but my coccyx isn't helped, so end up pacing the corridors.

The blood lady couldn't get any blood out of my left arm, just like the nurse at my GP last week, so looks like me left arm is ruined. I have been getting a tingling feeling in my left arm where I had the Thrombus during chemo, so I've been advised to go back to my GP.

My surgery could be delayed as my anesthetist likes 2 weeks clear of antibiotics, so I'm waiting on a phone call to confirm if it can go ahead as planned.

Got into my GP today, yes today, a miracle eh! Anyway all seems ok at the moment and it could be neuropathy I'm feeling, but if it swells up I'm to go straight back. Chemotherapy the gift that keeps on giving!

I'll be injecting myself again daily with Fragmin due to these blinking blood clots grrr! Sharps bucket ready arghhhh!

I've got an appointment at the pain clinic Thursday to see if they can help me through till breast surgery in a few months, not expecting they can do much though to be honest. But got to try everything they can do.

Keep everything crossed I can have surgery next Tuesday. TTFN. xx

Pretty Muddy Race For Life 2016

Well I did it...Yay!

I'm proud of myself for completing the 5k Pretty Muddy Race For Life on Saturday, it was tough going for me being so unfit, and I was at the back of our group of 330 people, but I don't care, as I was alive, there and doing it! I am well pleased with myself considering I was in a wheel chair this time last year!

Sadly I wasn't able to do the normal 5k Race on Sunday, but next year I will be doing the 10k Pretty Muddy :-D

So far I've raised £190 for Cancer Research UK. It's not too late to sponsor me either :-D Plus I'm doing Race For Life in Dudley in July 2016.

https://www.justgiving.com/account/your-pages/ajswarriors2016?pageId=8402859