Depression and anxiety!

I personally have fought with depression and more recently anxiety. My depression first started roughly six years ago when I first noticed my bodily aches and pains and eventually being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I first noticed this on my last mountain climbing holiday in the Lake District, coming down from the 75th mountain I'd climbed with Tim and the dogs. I had to walk down sideways, my knees and ankles had swollen up so much and I was in agony.

I was teaching dance back then too, with my own little dance school, I had classes 3 days a week for all ages, I even choreographed many shows locally, I loved it. My life was great, I was doing everything I enjoyed!

Almost four years ago as you know I was diagnosed with Breast cancer, and my little world felt like it had ended. I gradually went deeper and deeper into my depression with all the treatments, medications, failed surgeries and bone pain getting worse and worse. Anxiety then started to appear, every little pain, makes you think it's cancer coming back, omg am I going to die.

But I'm finally able to see a light at the end of a very long tunnel. I finally have the feminine body I wanted when I was first told I had cancer but I was too skinny back then. I hated the thought of implants but went along with my consultants opinions. I finally have hair and eyebrows again, thanks to microblading. I can feel myself becoming happier every day, I don't think I want to die anymore, which is great news. I finally want to do what I've always dreamt of, working for myself doing a mixture of things, pet sitting, sewing and accounts. I have a few new jobs lined up for all 3 businesses, ready to start in 2019!

I'm not out of the woods yet, but I am getting there. If you know someone struggling with depression and anxiety, please don't tell them to just sort it out and get over it, understand them, listen to them, just be there for them, even if it's just talking about normal things. Help someone you love today!

17 Days Post Surgery

Another week has passed and I'm doing really well. I'm just very uncomfortable, hate trying to sleep on my back and fed up! But I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and this is almost the end of my journey! Just my nipple tattoos left to have done. I can't drive till mid January, but 2019 here I come!

Tried a few bikinis on the other day and I'm very pleased with the results, you wouldn't know I'd had Breast Cancer when I'm wearing underwear! My new boobs are made from my tummy, and they look great, scarred but they're real and they're made from me! They look and feel real, they're even warm! Oh and they are softening up and starting to wobble 😂 My tummy is still really tight, I feel like a cut and shut car 😂 it's stopping me from eating so much, which suits me, I need to keep this flat tummy now, then next year I can lose weight and get fit.

On a sad note we lost a Pink Sister to Breast Cancer this week, Benita was one of the ladies I went through my journey with over the last 4 years. We've all found it a tough week, but we have supported each other through. Thinking of Benita, Paul her husband, Sophie her daughter and all the family. 💔

Had a lovely day with my Mom and Dad, who came to visit me from Wolverhampton on Tuesday. Thank you for a lovely fun day and my beautiful plant. Also a lovely visit from Angie and Frank yesterday. Also thank you Auntie Lynda and Andy for my beautiful flowers xxx

Roll on 2019, that's going to be my year, the start of my new life! ❤️💖💕

Thank you Mom and Dad xxxx

Thank you Lynda and Andy xxxx

Very pleased with my results ☺ 

Still a bit bloated from surgery

My tummy and new belly button

Think I like pink too much 😂 

The beautiful Benita 💔

Thank you my pink sister /birthday twinnie Lynne. xxx

10 Days Post Surgery

It's been ten days since my DIEP surgery and I can't believe how well I am doing, considering what I've had done! Isn't the human body amazing what it can cope with!

That being said I have to rest for weeks yet and not lift, stretch or pull. I'm finding it very hard to be a good girl! Luckily I have my online businesses and websites to set up, but that doesn't fill my days. I hate daytime TV the only program I'll switch the TV on for is Loose Women hehe. I'm catching up on drama's and box sets when I want to watch TV, but finding concentrating hard at the moment.

After cancer and redundancy I decided the office isn't for me anymore. So I'm going to be a part time self employed Accountant but I also have a pet sitting business and a sewing business. Oh and I'm also a distributor for Viva MK. I decided to hone in on all my skills and see what happens. Nothing like a bit of variety to spice your life up eh!

I got a few phone calls yesterday, one from my College Bestie Dawn, it was so lovely to catch up and a few calls relating to my adverts. So I now have a job for each of my businesses, can't wait to be better and to get cracking. This surgery really has helped my mental health already. I can see a light, let's make 2019 my year!

On another note I'm also very irritable and can't get comfy anywhere at the moment, but I've managed to sleep the last few nights, 6 hours is good for me these days. Today my clevege has started itching  so the piriton is another tablet to add to my concoction as I can't use cream yet.

But the good news is I'm finally drain free! It had 10ml the day before then it was empty yesterday, and to save a 60 mile round trip I removed it myself again, I did exactly what they did to remove the other 3 in hospital. Cut the stitch and it just slid out this time, no pulling needed. Yes I'm a nutter I know, but remember I'm on so much pain relief.

Have a lovely weekend x

My drain in the fire 

Be bye drain baby

The hole left from a drain

Paperwork is all I can do grrr

8 Days Post Surgery

Can you believe that after a great day yesterday, I had the worst night ever! I lay awake till 6am, I just couldn't get comfortable and was very irritable. I also had a drain leak and had body fluid all over me, so I had to get up and change my PJ's and dressings. But I managed to sleep in till 11.30am thankfully.

I'm so glad these new drains are better than the drains I had in 2015, a drain failure then meant a 60 mile round trip for me to get it fixed, now I can open the top and revac it myself!

This afternoon I managed to shower and a quick shampoo of my hair, these pain killers are great, mind you I did end up taking morphine at 5am this time. Not had morphine since my last day in hospital.

I've took some pictures of myself in my post surgery bra before and after surgery, one shows my tummy scar and new belly button  so don't scroll down if you're queesy! My tummy tattoo did start on my left breast as requested, but sadly failed in surgery and took them a long while to do the left one, that's why I was 12 hours in theatre!

Thank you for my lovely cards. Fingers crossed for a better sleep tonight! xx

This heated blanket from my Auntie Judith has been a godsend, thank you again. xx

Before & After DIEP Breast Reconstruction

I'm a new woman! 

New hair, new eyebrows & new Boobs! 

I'm home!

Hello everyone, I arrived home yesterday afternoon, I've had a great night's sleep in my own bed. Woke up virtually pain free, which was a shock 🤯 sat up and catching up on Strictly Come Dancing at last.

I started wearing my post surgery bra yesterday morning, omg I bought two sizes bigger and it only just fits, so after dinner when I always bloat a bit more due to IBS, it's so tight and I had to release it a bit for a little while. Be glad when the swelling subsides!

How long am I stuck at home unable to drive...8-12 weeks you say, what the !!!! 😵

But it will be worth every minute of boredom, I'm already really exstatic with my amazing results, thank you so much to the whole surgical team.  It's unbelievable what we can do in this day and age! Thank you so much to the whole team on the Kinmonth Suite, you were amazing and so supportive and caring. Long may it live...Love our NHS! 💜

Last day in hospital 🎉 

Thank you Mom & Dad xx

Thank you Angie & Frank xx

Thank you Lynda & Mom xx

Surgery day +5

I'm feeling a little better each day, I managed to stand and shower myself today, even with two of these drains and the fact that I can't stand up straight yet. Still sat in dressing gown though getting my strength back.

The bruising is coming out a lot now on my chest and tummy. But I'm so happy with my new boobies, they look the best they've looked for 3 years. My 4th pair of boobies are a triumph. Can't wait for my 3D nipple tattoos next year.

Had a lovely visit from my parents and brother Barry yesterday afternoon for a few hours. Thank You Mom and Dad and thank you Lynda & Andy for my lovely gifts.

Hopefully going home tomorrow, can't wait missing my doggies so much, but then again I have to step into the bath to shower which I'm dreading. Have a good week everyone xx

Mom and Me

Dad and Me

Brother Barry and Me

I have a few blisters on my body  thankfully only 1 is visible! 

Looking sexy as usual! 

Last day with 4 drains! 

Curry mmm

Jacket spud mmm

Meatless balls with roasts and veg...very odd  

Another curry mmm

Surgery day +4

I'm finally out of bed, showered, toileted both ends, dressings changed and catheter removed! Had a lovely visit from my brother and niece yesterday evening, they did their best to take my mind off the pain, and we had a few laughs and more cream cakes hehe! If anyone asks me do u want anything, yes a cream cake please haha! Hoping to get one or two drains out and go home Tuesday. Still waiting for the doctor today though to find out how I'm doing. But I think I'm doing great, can almost stand up straight, as tummy is very tight and I'm very swollen, so can't tell yet how flat my belly will be. But I can see I finally have a nice new little pair of boobies, which I'm really chuffed with ☺ looking forward to seeing my Mom, Dad, and Brother Barry later today. Have a great remembrance Sunday. #firstandlast #www.ajscancerjourney.blogspot.co.uk

My new swollen belly button and some tummy tuck scar

One of my drains and a nice blister 

Another drain

My niece and brother

Surgery day +2

Day 2 post surgery and I'm feeling good. Thankfully I'm still on the morphine tap. Trying not to use as often now though, as every five minutes made my whole body itch! Sorry, but if you've not eaten and don't like blood, look away now...😂 Oops! You can also see my tummy tuck in bandage on the last photo. Plans today are to get out of bed and walk about a bit, in the hope to get my catheter removed. Had a lovely visit from my cousin Jen last night, she came with some yummy M&S chocolate and cream éclair cakes, which we devoured together and she left me with some lovely M&S chocolate biscuits. Today I'm looking forward to a visit from my brother Adrian and my niece Lauren. Then tomorrow my Mom, Dad and brother Barry. Then hoping to go home Monday, fingers crossed. Have a great weekend everyone. Love you all. 😘 ❤️

My cousin Jen and moi! 

My feet all tucked up and cosy 😂 

My tummy tuck scar 👍 

Very sore lippy inside and out from the air tube in theatre! 

Sat out of bed for the second time 👍 

The 4 sexy drains  

In my bed ☺ 

Still in bed ☺ 

Bloody drains hehe  

But if fun, thanks Tim! 

Biscuit evidence hehe