Second Hope

January 2016 has been pretty tough as cancer has publicly reaped a lot of celebrities, someone's death is always terrible but I would point out that I lose friends like this every month all year round relentlessly.

A lot of the people I lose would love to get to 69 before cancer takes them, but again I would like to point out that dying of cancer is always awful.

Lastly I am going to take this opportunity to point out something else, between all these sad news bulletins of celebrities passing away will be cancer research adverts telling you that we are winning against cancer, now you must be questioning if this is true, you are right to.

When these ads tell you that 50% of people are surviving cancer they mean 50% live 5 years from diagnosis. If you were diagnosed at 40 like me would you regard living to 45 as a success? I don't know of any age really where 5 years to live would be good news!

Cancer research do a lot of good especially on the prevention side of things but what's really needed for my friends and unfortunately those in the public eye who are no longer with us, is research into kinder treatments, making cancer a long term chronic condition and awareness of the realities of a cancer diagnosis - such charities do exist - support second hope!

http://www.secondhope.org.uk/

Final Implant inflation

Yesterday turned out to be a good day, My Consultant and Ultrasound doctor along with two nurses helped to get the last 50ml of saline into my right implant. It only took 2 attempts and I'm so very grateful to them all for everything they have done for me, they went above and beyond the call of duty to do everything they could for me, I could have kissed them all. :-D

 

So I now have matching boobies, I just need them to soften and settle into place now as they are still hard in places and there are a few kinks in the implants which are causing me pain.

 

My Chemo Brain (Mild cognitive impairment) as I call it, is driving me mad and it is so embarrassing! I am able to do everyday things. But I'm not able to do some things quite as well as before I had cancer. My symptoms can include

• Memory loss – forgetting things that you normally remember
• Difficulty thinking of the right word for a particular object
• Difficulty following the flow of a conversation
• Trouble concentrating or focusing on one thing
• Difficulty doing more than one thing at a time (multi tasking)
• More difficulty doing things you used to do easily, such as adding up in your head
• Fatigue (tiredness and lack of energy)
• Confusion
• Mental fogginess

The changes are mild and very subtle. But they are reducing my quality of life. I am doing lots of brain training apps and quizzes, I'm determined to get back to where I was pre cancer. I write everything down and put everything in my diary. So if you do see or hear me struggling with any of the above please don't laugh at me it's hard enough dealing with it in my own head.

Doctors say for most people, the symptoms have either gone or really improved within a year of ending treatment. But for some people the symptoms can be long term and may continue for years after treatment has finished.

Here's hoping mine improves sooner rather than later!

I'm also struggling with anxiety, depression and fatigue, and they say that all four things are linked to one another. So I'm hoping if I can combat one problem the rest will follow.

Yesterday was a year since the day I found the large tumour in my one breast, and I'm still here and there is no evidence of disease. So that has put a big smile on my face. :-D

To celebrate I decided to make a change and took the bleach to my hair, now I just need a nice tan to go with it. I'm working on that one!
 

 

 

 

 

 

Honest Opinions please...

Brown

or Blonde...

Coccyx pain

Well the weekend is here and you'll be glad to hear I did 3 days in the office, and I managed to get in for 9am yesterday! But since 2pm yesterday I've been in agony with my coccyx. So I'm sat on piles of soft pillows. My GP thinks it's just bruising, but I don't want any more cortisone if I can help it, I think Physiotherapy is helping then I get a bad night like last night, perseverance I suppose!

 

I've got an appointment on Monday with my Consultant and the Ultrasound doctor, to hopefully find my port and inflate my right implant fully...fingers crossed!

 

My appointment for Genetics has come through for the 3rd March 2016, better late than never....but will the results be back in time for Gynaecology on the 7th or do I need to re-arrange that!

 

On a good note I've re-connected with a friend who has not long been back in the UK and I'm looking forward to seeing more of her. :-D

 

Have a good weekend, I will try even though I'm doing Tax Returns, oh the joy! xx

 

 

 

 I now have a Just Giving page for the 3 Race For Life Events I'm doing this year.

https://www.justgiving.com/ajswarriors2016/

 

If you wish to join me and my team AJ's Warriors, here are the codes: 

 Dudley 5k code TR8492

Stamford 5k code EZ1638

Stamford Pretty Muddy 5k AA5160

 

CANCER LIGHT by Jude Pilsworth -My Pink Sister <3
 
So, you think I had it easy, that I just had Cancer Lite?
You think I got off lightly, that I didn't have to fight?
To wake up every morning (at least if I'd had any sleep)...
To face another day knowing this life's not mine to keep.
I used to be so care free,to live from day to day
It's only now I realise, it can quickly be taken away.
Like you I thought that cancer without chemo meant cancer lite,
I learned how wrong that was as I lay fearful every night!
Can you imagine waking with such panic in your heart?
Not knowing how this cancer would tear your old life apart.
Can you imagine waking to the scars upon your breast,
Can you imagine feeling like you cannot ever rest.
Can you imagine panic, after every single pain, worrying
Is this the one that says, 'it's back again?'
Try for a moment thinking how do I get back my life?
How can I be that mother, sister, daughter, friend or wife?
When all the while the fear inside is tearing me apart
Resounding in my thoughts and now palpating in my heart.
Get over it you tell me, it's past, it's over, done
But once you walk in my shoes , tell me how to overcome,
This fear that is a part of me, a fear that never might,
Let me forget, for a moment , what you think is Cancer Lite!!!

 

 

 

I wish....it's nothing of the sort!
I wish I kept my own breasts above my Implants.
 I wish I still had nipples.
I wish my muscle was never used as a sling for the implants.
I wish they still looked south and not north.
I wish it wasn't so painful to lay on my side .
Doubt I will have them replaced when the time comes in 10-15 years.
But I am glad I'm still alive.
 

Gynacology time to talk about Ovary removal

Today I had my first appointment with the Gynaecologist to discuss having my ovaries removed. I had bloods and an examination, I'm now waiting for a letter in the post for a scan to see how the land lies as she put it. After a discussion and realising I was waiting for Gene testing, the result of that will decide as to whether I have an Oophorectomy or a Hysterectomy. Either way it's at least 2 months away.

So I'm now waiting for a scan through Gynaecology, Ultrasound through the Breast Clinic, Gene Testing through Genetics and Nipple tattoo discussion at the Breast Clinic. Will it ever end!

I've also had my B12 injection today, we tried it in my buttocks instead of my leg today and it was much kinder to me, so it will be in my bum from now on.

I saw my doctor on Friday and he is happy with how my new medication is working, I'm now taking it at 8pm and I'm ok to drive by 9.30am, my doctor thinks it will improve over another week or so, so I'm chuffed with that. My coccyx is ok some days and not others, so I just need to walk about more as it seems it's bruised and I can't sit down for prolonged periods. If it gets any worse then more cortisone injections may be needed.

I got my first hair cut the weekend, it's not a great style at the moment but there's not much else you can do with it so short. I managed a few walks the weekend at 2.5 miles each, so I'm happy with that. I've signed up for three 5k  Race For Life events this year, one being the 5k Pretty Muddy, I've always fancied rolling in mud, I must have been a pig or a hippo in a former life haha! Hoping to do 3 full days in the office this week and increase my exercises, then I can get back to musical theatre and dancing :-)  Have a good week all. xxx

My first hair cut

 

 

Muddy dog walks at the weekend

The Lady is Jojo Ginger Head, who recently gained her wings

 

 

Failed implant inflation

Today was supposed to be my final inflation but we only managed to do one boob, if you remember the ports to inject for inflation had decided to hide behind my implants! So I have one boob bigger than the other for a short while. My consultant needs the help of the ultrasound doctor that helped us last time. So hopefully that will happen in the next few weeks. Gutted but hopefully it's only temporary. So I'll have to wear one of my softies in the one side of my bra until then as it is very noticeable. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment, my right side feels like I've been stabbed with a knife not an injection a few times.

I'm still waiting on appointments for Gene testing, Ovary removal and nipple tattoos, which my consultant is going to chase up for me. As I'm not any medication at the moment because I can't have Tamoxifen, you can imagine my mind is on overtime, especially more so until I get on the drug I'm being given for ten years called Arimidex, which I can't take until I'm post menopausal.

ARIMIDEX reduces the risk of breast cancer recurrence.
https://www.arimidex.com/about/how-arimidex-works.html

My coccyx pain is lingering, but I'm seeing my GP Friday to see what the next plan of attack is. I'm still carrying my coccyx pillow with me everywhere to sit on, even in the car, so there's not much more I can do to help myself.

On a good note the new medication Duloxetine seems to be helping my peripheral neuropathy, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia pain and now even the hot flushes. So all I need now is the dizzy side effects to go away. I started taking them at 10pm and I've since tried taking them at 9pm and I'm still dizzy in the morning, so I'm going to try 8pm tonight. My GP said it's trial and error and take at the same time for a week. So keep everything crossed for me as I'm really hopeful with this drug. xx

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Just a quick post to let you all know I managed to have a lovely Christmas Day, my coccyx pain was back by the evening though. So I spent the holiday resting, with some gentle daily exercises and a few short walks.

I've been back into the office a bit more and we've had a busy start to the year with year end, but my body is telling me to slow down a bit, which is so annoying for me as I want to get back to normality now! I still work from home, but I've not managed more than 2-3 days a week yet arghhh!

I spent the whole weekend sleeping in bed or on the sofa, I think the longest I was awake was for 3 hours on Sunday, before bed again.

We've lost a few pink sisters lately, only the other day Mandy passed away. Then today David Bowie passed, RIP Starman. xx

I'm at hospital Wednesday to see my consultant. I've just finished work for today so I'm off to relax in the bath. Have a good week xx

RIP Mandy xx

I'm trying