New Years Eve

Well this year has been the worst year of my life, since the end of January 2015, I've had 60+ hospital visits, blood tests, mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies, MRI scans, CT scans,  Bone scans, 6 chemotherapy sessions, 2 surgeries, 15 radiation sessions, counselling, physio, injections, medication, blood clots, collapsed veins and more. I've still got one more inflation, tattooed nipples/areola and a final surgery to have my ovaries removed. Then I can get back on with my new found love for life.

I'd like to thank my partner and dogs, family and friends, my boss and work colleagues, that have been there for me through this tough year of hell, and wish you all a Happy New Year for 2016!

Christmas break

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas, I had a fabulous day. Sadly I wasn't well enough to travel to see family as planned on Christmas Eve, luckily I saw my mom, brother and niece the weekend before. I spent Christmas day with Tim and his parents, dinner was lovely and we went to see the kids in the morning. I was so happy I was well enough to enjoy it. But early evening I had to go home to lay down as my coccyx pain was back with a vengence, after a rest boxing day it seems to have gone luckily, seems I can't stay in one position for so long.

I've managed a couple of 1.5 mile walks this week, but it's driving me mad that I can't do more, I thought I'd be fit by new year and get back to dancing. All I can do is keep up the walks and basic Zumba on my wii, and remind myself I have come a long way.

Happy New Year xx

The side effects of cancer medication

My new medication has come with a lot of side effects, but my GP told me to bear with them for 2 weeks as they would go. I'm currently struggling with a very fuzzy head all morning (so i don't feel safe to drive), nausea, pain and anxiety. I really hope they work and kill 5 birds with 1 stone! My hot flushes are back and worse than ever, so fingers crossed these new meds do help that too.

I read this article and resonated with most of it:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joannamontgomery/post-mastectomy-my-new-foobs_b_3886195.html

Also sad news for one of our fellow cancer ladies, RIP Ally xx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3367888/Our-heart-broken-two-Mother-delayed-chemotherapy-unborn-baby-chance-revealed-died-just-eight-days.html

#‎chemo‬ this Xmas? You can do it! ‪#‎chemothenandnow‬ ‪#‎solidarity‬ ‪#‎bbb‬ ‪#‎breastcancer

Beautiful flowers from Bex, thank you xxxx

Beautiful gift from Nikki, thanks you xxxx

Coccyx injections & cancer medication

Well my GP doesn't know what my coccyx pain is, but apparently it is very common. He asked me how brave I was feeling, so I said after this year nothing phases me anymore, what have you got in mind? He said a cortisone injection into your coccyx, so I said go for it as i'm willing to try anything to get rid of this excruciating pain. So doctors have seen all my bits now including my arse! OMG did it hurt, to hell it did, ouch ouch ouch! Wasn't quite the words I used to be honest. I couldn't sit for long anyway and tonight I can only lay down, could be 2 days before I feel any effect. Dreading the anasthetic wearing off and being in more pain. Hopefully it will beworth it!

He's also swapped my medication from Gabapentin to Duloxetine as the Citalopram wasn't working on 300mg and I was reluctant to take a higher does as i've had it before and piled on 3 stone in weight. Hopefully the duloxetine will help the pain but also it should help my fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy and anxiety, all with just one tablet, fingers crossed.

Sadly I can't take citalopram with duloxetine, which I use for my hot flushes, but he said the duloxetine could possibly help with that, you'll just have to wait and see. So i'm trying this out for 2 months unless the hot flushes become unbearable.

Tomorrow I have my councelling with Coping with Cancer which still helps me so much. I also have my weekly B12 injection at the local hospital, then Friday I have physio. Will these appontments ever end!

I also found out today it's very doubtful I can freeze my eggs before I have my ovaries removed, plus it was also mentioned that my body probably couldn't cope with giving birth anyway, so if I did want children of my own it's looking highly unlikely now.

Anyway the other C word is almost up on us, so I'm going to celebrate it big style this year. Lots of drink, food, presents and partying. So if i don't blog again this year Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year xx



A few drinks with the girls

My new boobies :-)

I don't have bone mets!

Yippee!

Quick post to let you all know I don't have bone metastases...yippee...yippee!

I'm so happy they only found arthritis in my shoulders.  Never though I would be so excited to be told that haha!

So back to my GP Wednesday to understand why the coccyx pain and will continue with the physio.

Think it's time for a celebratory drinky poos xxxx

Bone scan

Well what a week it's been, I've visited 4 hospitals and had 5 appointments! On Wednesday I had a bone scan to determine why i'm getting coccyx and lower back pain. That was a very long day and by the end of it I couldn't even sit down because I was in so much pain! I was stood up in the waiting room, pacing up and down the corridoor looking like a looney!

I had some nuclear stuff injected into my veins then had to wait 2 hours for my bones to absorb it. Then I went in what I can only describe as a flat bed scanner, this took half an hour to scan my whole body. So once again i'm waiting patiently for results.

Obviously in my mind i'm thinking the cancer has come back, but telling myself it can't be! The only thing that has changed is the chair I sit on now i'm back in the office a few days a week, as all year i've been sat on a comfy sofa or in my bed! I carry my coccyx cushion everywhere with me...to sit on before some smarty pants makes a comment.

My GP sent me for physio at the local hospital, which was today and I came away with lots of stretching  and core muscle type excercises, let's see if that does the trick!

I've just finished work for today and i'm ready for a relaxing evening. Have a good weekend all. xx

A candle for all my pink sisters that we've lost over the last few months. RIP

How cute is this Orchid

My first and probabaly only finished art piece now all fired!

Bad week...so I stuffed my face with chocolate!

Tamoxibollox or not!

Just when you start getting your life back on track...boom!

I went to see my Oncologist today to get the results of my blood tests and Tamoxifen tablets for 10 years. Well I left there sobbing and in total shock! I can't have Tamoxifen as it could kill me due to being prone to blood clots since I had them on chemotherapy. My oncologist wants me to have an Oophorectomy (ovary removal) to reduce my risk of the cancer coming back then I will have Anastrozole tablets for 5 years.

I know it is all in my best interests but I am gutted to be thrown into menopause at my age, and yet again another surgery. I will be ok, just having a bad day. I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face yet again. Life's a bitch!

Life is a roller coaster...just got to ride it!

2nd implant inflation

Today I went to hospital for my 2nd inflation on both implants, my consultant had a nigtmare trying to find the ports where they inject the saline. They decided to hide right behind my implants, he thinks after the last inflation they moved. He tried to inject into both sides with no success, the blue saline that was put in my implants during surgery wasn't coming back into the syringe. He tried a few times, and on my right side he had yellow come back into the syringe, which he said was a seroma. So there I was with no inflation, my bottom lip hit the floor, i'd been looking forward to this for weeks.

So of my consultant went to chat to the unltrasound doctor and he came back with good news, as we thought we'd have to try this another day. So we wheeled everything down the coridoor to the ultrasound room, to see if they could find my ports. Eventually they found them but they were really deep behind my implants, and my right one was hidden by a seroma. So away we went again, needle in and could they get it into my left one, heck could they. So they decided to try my right and give the left a break. Again no such luck!

They had another look using ultrasound and said it was at my risk of puncturing the implant but they could try by lifting my implant and a different angle with the needle. I really wasn't happy as my boobs were so I decided to take a risk. Away they went again tying this time with the ultrasound guiding them in. They found my left port and drew back blue liquid. So of we went with 50 ml of saline. At that point he said do you want to go for 100ml today seeing as it didn't bother you too much last time and this has been a nightmare, so I said yes please haha! So my left was inflated and a little bandage put over the injection site.

Now for the right side, so in they went with the needle, using ultrasound to guide them so as not to punture my implant. They could see on the ultrasound that the needle was pushing the port away, it had turned around. So they measured the depth and worked out a differernt angle and used a bigger needle. Once the needle was in he just kept moving it a millimeter at a time till he had got the right side of it and enter the port on the right side, this was very painful but worth it. Eventually they were in and drew back blue liquid, so away he went and put 50 ml in, then waited to see how I felt as this was my radiated side, I was fine and happy to go ahead, and he got another 50ml in. So i've had 100ml each side and i'm well happy. Bandage on and up I sat up, then liquid started spurting everywhere, obviously we thought my implant had punctured but noticed the liquid was yellow, such a relief it was the seroma, so they drained that too. So I have a big bandage on that side, which is soaked and i've already had to change it once.

It was so werid laying there seeing your boobs gradually getting bigger, it looked like they were blowing up balloons haha!

The day wasn't over, I then had to go and get my bloods done that I couldn't get done at my GP because they need testing within 30 minutes of being taken. I needed these done before my Oncology appointment next Monday, so of we went into another queue, another blinking needle arghh.

It was one of the longest days ever, but it was worth it, for the first time this year, I like my new boobs. Not as much as my real ones, but they tried to kill me. So I'm really happy with my new boobs, at last i'm starting to look like a woman, just need a bit more hair now.

I had a great weekend, Friday I went to an Adult pot painting evening with friends and wine. Saturday was my works christmas party, and it was a great party, i've not been that drunk in ages. I think I mixed my drinks a bit too much hehe. Thank you to everyone who made my weekend such fun. xxxx

B12

I went to my doctors yesterday and had blood tests done as my B12 is very low, so I'm now on weekly B12 injections. I have to have them in my thigh because of having lymph node surgery I don't want to risk getting the life long conidtion lymphodema. So today I went for my first shot of B12, ouch it bloody stings and also had more bloods done to check my bones due to my coccyx pain. This doctor said an xray wouldn't help due to where the pain is and has put me on Gabapentin. Sadly last time I took this I put 3 stone on in weight, so I need to get active and keep my weight down this time. She has also sent of for me to have urgent physiotherapy and said to tell my consultant I need a bone scan. I'm fed up of hospitals and doctors visits, I must be on 60+ trips now!

When I visited the nurse today she asked me if I was AJ's Cancer Journey, it was so nice to know that people I don't know are reading my blog, cheered me up no end.

I worked from the office for 5 hours Monday and Wednesday this week. It's so good being back around people. Hoping to go in tomorrow too but I'm so exhausted it's unreal, so I'll see how i feel in the morning. I need to be on form for month end next week being an accountant.

Looking forward to the works party on Saturday, have a good weekend one and all. xx

A windy Saturday walk



Yes damn right...can't wait to say good riddens to 2015

Shall I get some of these...hehe

Health check after cancer treatment

My trip to the opticians proved successful, I paid for the extra tests to have photos taken of the back of my eyes. So chemotherapy hasn't affected them either which I'm so pleased about.

I managed 3 five hours days last week as planned, but I was really tired by Friday. Getting fed up with the fatigue! Planning to do the same this week all being well.

I've got bloods tests on Wednesday, I will get the results of them when I see my oncologist on the 7th December. I see my consultant on the 2nd December for my next inflation.

I've now finished the medication for my coccyx and the pain is still lingering so I'm waiting for further scans. Hopefully I'll get in this side of Christmas! I'm also waiting on an appointment to be tested for the BRCA gene, even though cancer isn't in my family, I had it in both breasts , which is unusual.

My next decision is do I want to take tamoxifen for ten years when I'm at risk of blood clots, which can be dangerous or do I risk the cancer coming back! What to do!

I managed a one mile walk at the weekend with the dogs, we got blown one way with the bad winds. I've got the work Xmas party and a night with friends and wine to look forward to soon. Filing my diary up nicely and it's not long now to xmas.

Have a good week everyone xx

Health checks

In the last week I've been to the dentist, I had my teeth checked and some x-rays done, and I'm happy to say my teeth are all ok and they've not been affected by chemotherapy. Opticians later this week, fingers crossed my eyes are ok.

 

My coccyx pain is a bit better with the medication and pillow but it's still lingering, hoping that it is nothing but at least my GP and Consultant are ready to do scans if needed.

 

My chest has been a bit painful this week, but I'm not surprised as the inflation stretches my pectoral muscle and skin each time. It still feels very tight, but I continue to moisturise which really helps. The radiated side is still very red and has tightened up a lot making the one look a bit smaller than the other. But then we've all got one body part smaller than the other, so it's not the end of the world. Maybe we can put a bit more saline in the one than the other to even them out. 

 

I did 2 four hour days at work last week, and I managed an extra hour at work on Monday and hoping to do the same Wednesday and Friday this week.

 

I had a lovely weekend with my Mom, Brother and Niece, it's so hard living so far away from them but we will see each other more from now on. I did some baking the weekend too so we had some yummy treats.

 

Have a good week one and all and thank you for taking the time to continue reading my blog. xx

 

 



 

 

1st implant inflation

Yesterday I had my first inflation of implants which went very well. Apart from the ports they use to inject the saline deciding to hide behind my implants, more on one side than the other. So my consultant had to really lift the implant on my right to get to it. They use a magnet to locate the ports. The left side really hurt when the needle went in but the right side I didn't feel a thing. The maximum you can have in at a time is 50ml per implant, I never felt anything so had the full 50ml per implant. My implants will hold another 150ml each, and I can have them every 3 weeks, so as long as my skin doesn't break down I will get back to the size I was. Today my chest feels tight again like after surgery and I get the odd twinge, but no pain. My next fill is the 2nd December.

I'm now able to go to the dentist and opticians so they're booked, hoping that chemotherapy has not done any damage to my teeth or eyes. I've also got one more blood test to do week after next for my oncologist to see how asleep my ovaries are when I go there on 7th December.

My coccyx and back is still painful so my GP has now tripled my medication. He has also doubled my medication for hot flushes as it was working 90% of the time, so hopefully that will sort them out. If I'm still in pain in 10 days my GP will arrange an x-ray. Also my consultant at the hospital said that if I'm still in pain when I go back in 3 weeks he will arrange a bone scan. So fingers crossed it goes as I'm fed up of tests now as you can imagine.

I've done a few half days at work last week and will do this week, and so far so good. The fatigue is improving slowly and I'm hoping I can get of the sleep meds once I get back into full time work.

I had a lovely weekend, my long time bestie of 20+ years came over from sunny Wolverhampton to see me. There was lots of drink, food, shopping, funny faces, movies and laughter. Just what the doctor ordered.

Flowers from Dawn, Ste, Taylor & Brandon xxxx

Dawn & Moi

Gift from Dawn xxxx

 

Cabaresque for Cancer 2015

Photos from a great night in my honour, thank you to Lucy & friends for all you hard work. My family and friends had an amazing evening. You all made me smile, laugh and shed a few little tears at the end. Looking forward to 2016.

 

This night will stay with me forever. <3

 

 

 

 

Photographs kindly reproduced with permissions: copyright of Martin Vos Photography & Tiny Tales Photography

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